Screaming it! Reading it!

I want a way to set me free. To free myself from all the strife and hurt I have….but the only way that is going to happen is the have him back in my arms. I want to puke every second I’m awake. I’m disgusted with myself because I wasn’t good enough, and I’m still not good enough. I hate myself so much. If there was something to do, something to give to make him see how much he means to me and how much I don’t want to live without him. I hate my life….and I want to stop breathing now..because I know in the end, hes going to walk away, and leave me in a heap of nothing..like before. I have amount to nothing…and I feel like nothing…I just wish I could disappear now….just go away….somewhere were I would never feel, some place to seperate me from all my senses….to erase everything in me, to where I no longer feel, no longer see, no longer hear…..it would be like I never had a heart at all…and that would be fine with me….because without him, I want nothing. I don’t want anything from this life….I’m traveling an aimless path now….and it’s drawing to a close to end the path. If the feelings go with it….then that is the road I’m going to take. Because loving someone really is the worst torture in this life. Because when I finally love someone, they left me destroyed, hurt and defeated. I think he’s getting to the point where he don’t even care now…I want back the love we had….I know it’s in him, he’s just scared of being hurt again….

People do change when significant events happen to them…he destroyed me, that is significant enough. I changed. He showed me just how much I did love him…and how much I don’t want to spend without him. I will be better, I will be the best if he doesn’t give up on me..I will.

Okay, I have to go now…I feel like breaking down…and it’s hard to type and cry. I just want him back…I truely do hate my life now…I just want you back.

Baby, darling, can’t you see.

this is how we were meant to be

Always finding one another in a fight

Forgetting all the lost pointless memories

Letting them blow out the light.

I wish I could show you. Tell you how it really is.

But My memories are fading, as fast and they exist.

I want so badly to express, the moment I have caught myself in

But the dissolving nastalga is resisting a win.

I have found why I was awake at night.

And why I lost so many of my thoughts

It was a battle from a long lost war

A broken heart that calls from all costs.

but all things do rise, even from the deepest of ashes.

And my memories are yelling but my heart is simple on surpasses.

I wish I could explain it. tell you how it really is.

But the moments in which I’m dieing, Are haunting me from the past.

A simple moment stole my breath but the things are easy to last.

Forget what I have done, and forget what i know

I’m done caring what was then or to be.

But I want what is now sitting fantasically in front of me.

I know your reading this…You’ll see, one day. You are the only person I have loved with all my heart and can’t replace. I can’t believe you thought someone else could fill the space in my heart where you are….I hope you wake up soon…I won’t survive much longer.

What happened after last summer
When we broke up in September

I haven’t seen you
Feels like a long time
Sometimes it still hurts
But I always get by

I still got a piece of you under my skin
It’s always there no matter where I’ve been

So if I ever see you on the street
I’ll pretend that I didn’t see
And turn my face
No use in small talk anyways

Because if I look into your eyes
Then I’ll have to say goodbye
And thatll break my heart
So I wont even start
I wont even start

I wish you luck
And I wish it true
That’s the best
I can do for you

Cuz you’ll probably find love
In someone new
I have to let go
Yeah it’s hard to do

So if I run into you with your arm by his side
Just know it’ll cut me like a knife

So if I ever see you on the street
I’ll pretend that I didn’t see
And turn my face
No use in small talk anyways

Because if I look into your eyes
Then I’ll have to say goodbye
And thatll break my heart
So I wont even start
I wont even start

I changed him to her…suits me better.

I memorized all your favorite things
Your favorite songs and how to sing
You played the strings and found my tone
I loved you so much with all my bones
Well it’s been three years since I met you
Can’t believe all the things that we’ve been through
You watched me grow up, I watched you change
Thought one day that we’d share a last name

(It’s really nice to know that you think we’re all out of time)
But darling don’t you know we just started our lives?

(Yeah you’re my baby, boy you know you spin me all around)
You drive me crazy girl, you flip my whole world upside down
(It ain’t no secret boy you know I glow inside when I’m with you)
And just like sunshine girl, I hold you and I light up too

We could hide like everyday and just
Wait until the world goes and away and I
Don’t care if we’re all alone
I love you so much with all my bones
I try so hard to impress you
Love you way more than I know how to
Show you off and buy you things
“Sold my lambo to buy yo ring”

(Yeah you’re my baby, boy you know you spin me all around)
You drive me crazy girl, you flip my whole world upside down
(It ain’t no secret boy you know I glow inside when I’m with you)
And just like sunshine girl, I hold you and I light up too.